As Good As I Get
This was basically what my physical therapist told me yesterday when I asked about how much longer the pain would last when I sleep. I was told that when I lay down, how I feel now is about as good as I will get. I must admit, I was disappointed. Every morning I hurt so bad in my back that it is hard to move. Before my surgery, I only had this sort of pain when I had a flare up, now I have it daily, and little chance of it getting better. I must admit, I am discouraged. I think overall, that the surgery was a huge mistake, but dh was the one who really wanted me to have it. He thought it would make me better. I think, it has made me worse. I can no longer lay in bed for more than a few minutes and I hurt. I now want a Lazy Boy for Christmas. I am thinking that maybe if I sleep in one of those, I might have some relief.
The weather is beginning to get warm here. Yesterday the children were outside playing in the afternoon. Next week we are to have highs in the mid to upper 70's.
DH is working late and getting up early these days. I seem to have more and more alone time and it is getting to me. I am so tired of staying inside the house, having no friends, and having little to do. Other than being a taxi and taking the children to their events, and going to PT, I have no life. I sit inside my little domain. DH has said that he wants me to start back to college in the fall, but see no idea how we could afford that. We are looking at putting the children in a private Christian school next year, and the cost would be about $1,000.00 a month for both of them. I don't see me going back to school until we get the children out of college.
I really do not like it here. I am dying inside and dh tells me to hang on, less than two months to go, but I have felt like I was dying spiritually, emotionally, and physically since we arrived. I miss my old church www.lufkin.org and all the activities they offered. If I were to admit it to myself and others, I was happy with my life, with my walk in the Lord, until I started visiting Anabaptist websites and joining their groups. Ever since then, I have hated life. I wonder all the time if this is right, is that right, and there is no peace of the Lord. That is why DH wanted me to give it all up, it was making me miserable. If it was truly for me and it was what God wanted for my life, I would have felt joy.
Well off to start another long, boring day. Every day I keep telling myself, just a few more weeks, just a few more weeks, you can do it, yes you can do it.
I have taken up the hobby of watching the Travel Channel in the mornings. I am making a long list of places I want to visit when time allows.
Less than two months till my cruise too!!! There is a God. =)
In Christ's Love,
~Carmelita
The weather is beginning to get warm here. Yesterday the children were outside playing in the afternoon. Next week we are to have highs in the mid to upper 70's.
DH is working late and getting up early these days. I seem to have more and more alone time and it is getting to me. I am so tired of staying inside the house, having no friends, and having little to do. Other than being a taxi and taking the children to their events, and going to PT, I have no life. I sit inside my little domain. DH has said that he wants me to start back to college in the fall, but see no idea how we could afford that. We are looking at putting the children in a private Christian school next year, and the cost would be about $1,000.00 a month for both of them. I don't see me going back to school until we get the children out of college.
I really do not like it here. I am dying inside and dh tells me to hang on, less than two months to go, but I have felt like I was dying spiritually, emotionally, and physically since we arrived. I miss my old church www.lufkin.org and all the activities they offered. If I were to admit it to myself and others, I was happy with my life, with my walk in the Lord, until I started visiting Anabaptist websites and joining their groups. Ever since then, I have hated life. I wonder all the time if this is right, is that right, and there is no peace of the Lord. That is why DH wanted me to give it all up, it was making me miserable. If it was truly for me and it was what God wanted for my life, I would have felt joy.
Well off to start another long, boring day. Every day I keep telling myself, just a few more weeks, just a few more weeks, you can do it, yes you can do it.
I have taken up the hobby of watching the Travel Channel in the mornings. I am making a long list of places I want to visit when time allows.
Less than two months till my cruise too!!! There is a God. =)
In Christ's Love,
~Carmelita
posted by ~Carmelita @ 9:03 AM
1 Comments:
At 2:59 AM,
Lori Sampedro said…
Hang in there, sweet sister. I just know things will get better for you after you get out of there. I am praying that the Lord has a special friend already where you are moving too, just for you! I sure wish we were neighbors. I would help you clean, cook and just make you tea and we could giggle together. Try not to overdue things anyway with your back not healing right. I'm so sorry. Don't let other lists get you down either. The Bible is where you go for guidance as far as the things of the Lord. You know that though, I know. I love ya!
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